Learning to Stay
The practice of staying in the present moment
Stay - 11” x 14” Acrylic on Paper by Mary Coffey
In my last post, I wrote about the importance of noticing who you’ve been listening to. I am learning to listen to my deep inner knowing, which I’ve been calling my Artist Soul. This painting portrays a transparent figure as my Artist Soul, in a protective stance, asking me to stay in the present moment.
Stay when the art is weird.
Stay when the external voices say run away.
Stay even when you don’t know what to start.
Stay when you don’t know what to do next.
Stay when you don’t know how to finish.
Stay in the here and now.
Stay present to the energy swirling.
Stay present to what attracts and what repels.
Stay present to what brings joy and do more of that!
Stay present and listen to the voice of your Artist Soul - she speaks so softly, waiting for you to pay attention to her voice, instead of the noise all around you.
Over the years, I’ve tended to run away when I meet an obstacle, a difficulty, a challenge. I turned away from one painting in my series on Reimagining Mary for months after bumping up against something I couldn’t figure out. I just abandoned my easel rather than staying present and listening to what the painting needed. After setting a date for an exhibition of the paintings, I did eventually come back and finish that painting and seven more to complete the series. Having that goal in the form of a deadline made me stay present and encouraged me to push through the obstacles and messy middles of each one of the paintings.
But I still struggle to stay. It’s easier to distract myself with the laundry, reading, or other things that I’m already good at. Or taking care of other people’s needs. Or scrolling on my phone.
Doing something I haven’t mastered yet, like painting hands or using a different medium can be tricky. What if I make a lot of mistakes!?!
But I’m learning that taking risks, making mistakes, and not knowing how it will turn out, are all essential parts of the creative journey. It is what art is: creating something out of nothing and having no guarantee how it will turn out. Kinda like life, no?
According to artist Enrique Martínez Celaya in his book with James Hollis, called Tending the Fire: Creativity, Purpose, and the Unfolding Self, “uncertainty — the absence of guarantees — is inseparable from what it means to live one’s vocation as an artist.” He goes on to describe the many challenges that can derail an artist, and then concludes with these encouraging words:
The calling of the artist is to move forward honestly and with devotion, accepting uncertainty and all the beautiful hostilities that arise from the effort, in order to bring forth an artistic experience that moves us emotionally while offering clarity and connection.
This painting portrays what I love about using transparent paint. I painted the figure with a transparent nickel ozo gold color which suggests a numinous quality for the figure. It also allows you to see the paint strokes underneath, which I love.
Here is another piece over which I dragged transparent zinc white paint with a notched scraper to create a veiled vibe, as if the face is hiding behind sheer curtains.
Playing with transparent paint colors in my work is an apt metaphor for the deeper current of becoming more and more transparent about my art and my life. I’m growing more comfortable with speaking my truth and choosing to be an active participant in the unfolding of my life, instead of waiting passively for external direction. I’m sensing how freeing it is to put down the care and management of everyone else’s expectations and emotions. Finally, now in my third act, I am seeing that I can only control my own!
Do you struggle to stay present in your creative process? In your life? How does all of this land for you?