Does this belong to who I am now?

Summer Solstice shedding

If you are in the northern hemisphere, welcome to the season of the Summer Solstice!

Sunrise over Iona

Right now, the sunlight is the brightest it will be all year for the longest amount of time. This gives us a golden opportunity to have a look around at our lives and see what is life-giving and what is energy-draining.

In this solstice season, I’m at the end of an in-depth review of all the stuff I accumulated over 29 years in preparation for moving out of our house. We gave away carloads of furniture and stuff that makes a house a home. We threw out more than a dumpsterful. We packed up the rest and brought it with us.

And still there is too much! Releasing, purging, shedding, is an ongoing process.

We moved to be closer to three of our four kids. Prioritizing those relationships over all the stuff in my lovely home was both a motivating and clarifying force. Over the course of the six month project, I came to see that things are just things.

After so much practice, I’m getting much faster at making decisions to keep or release, at least with respect to the material stuff. I’m getting better at seeing when something is an obstacle to the life I want to live.

Before moving house, I would stuff the offending item into the back of a closet or just limp along trying to make the offending item work. Because I already owned it. Because I didn’t want to spend time finding a better solution. Because once it is in the closet, it is out of sight and out of mind. I was reluctant to release the thing and find a new way, whether from indecision, guilt, laziness or distraction.

But truthfully, it may have been that I was reluctant to stand up and say out loud: “Actually, this isn’t working for me any more.” My reluctance is dissolving. Just typing that declaration makes me feel empowered. It feels like a reclamation of my agency.

Why do those words carry so much power? Why did that taste so unusual as they spilled out of my mouth?

Speaking up for myself is a new practice for me. It requires me to know what I want and to stand up and assert my desires. It is risky business!

That bold assertion risks disapproval or disappointment or outright rejection. It requires me to find out whether I’ll survive not being liked, or being thought of as needy, or rocking the boat and upsetting the status quo. Sitting with that discomfort, and surviving it, has emboldened me to carry on, and continue to create a life that facilitates my full flourishing.

Sometimes, you just have to pause, and take an unflinching look at what’s not working in your life. Maybe it’s the way a room is laid out, maybe it’s a habitual pattern that drains your energy (hello cellphone!), maybe it’s a relationship where you are giving more than you’re getting, or maybe it’s an outdated belief that keeps bumping up against your lived experience.

How would it feel to say out loud: “Actually, this isn’t working for me any more.”

It may feel scary. It may feel bold. It may feel liberating. It may feel all of those at once. Take a moment to imagine what your life would be like without that thing, pattern, relationship or belief. It that feeling worth the risk?

Imagine your life filled only with things, people, and ways of being that belong to who you are now. How would that feel?

Use this inquiry: “Does this belong to who I am now?”

• Does this old cutting board, ratty sweater, set of dried up markers, or constrictive spiritual belief belong to who I am now? And maybe it is a good sweater that never fit you or markers that you never use. Are you ready to move them on?

• Does this belong, fit with ease, give life, reflect, who I am now? Nineteenth century designer William Morris famously said: “Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” I would expand that to your whole life.

• Does this belong to who I am now? Who are you now? Another good reflection question for this solstice season!

It is only natural for who you are to change and grow, if you are still alive, that is. From the outside, my skin cells shed and are replaced every 2 to 4 weeks, so my outer layers are always changing. From the inside, though, changes happen slower and can be imperceptible, unconscious, even.

Who I am now is very different from who I was. What I believe has changed substantially, hence the years of deconstruction of my early religious beliefs. And who I am in terms of roles and identities change with each new life event. My youngest has been out on her own for 7 years or so. It’s past time to shed my identity of being a child rearer. Now, hopefully, I see myself as more of a consultant for my adult children. Not sure if that’s how they see me, lol.

Does this belong to who I am now?

This is a relevant question even if you are not in the process of moving house.

As the light of the Summer Solstice season shines brightly, now is a good time to take stock of all the things that influence your outer life and your inner life and see if you need to release anything. What are you ready to shed? Where do you want to start?

Let me know in the comments!