Finding your 'one thing' that brings you joy
And what to do if you don't know what that is
After reading my last post called “Souvenirs From An Art Retreat,” where I encouraged you to focus on your “one thing,” my friend Gloria asked me “What if I don't know that one thing that lights me up?” That’s the question I’ll address today.
To begin, you will not find your answer in a book written by someone else, or in a Substack post, for that matter. You won’t find it from any spiritual leader or guru, nor from your parents, your spouse, or your friends. Singer Trish Melton offers good advice here: Stop asking people for directions to places they haven't been!
Your answer to the opening question is found deep within. You must listen to the small, still voice deep inside.
Listen in the darkness. Wait in the silence. Turn off the cold fluorescent light and light a single candle. Watch the warm, dancing flame flicker as you wait for your shy soul to speak. Invite her to come close, offer her a cup of hot tea and ask to hear her wisdom.
“The soul speaks its truth only under quiet, inviting and trustworthy conditions.” — Parker Palmer, “Let Your Life Speak”
Your deepest wisdom, what is true for you, can only be found in your soul.
Whether you call this deep soul wisdom ‘your gut’ or ‘your intuition,’ many of us are out of the practice of listening to it speak. In our culture, we’ve been trained to look outside of ourselves for guidance. We have been taught to trust external authorities and rely not on our own understanding. It should come as no surprise when our soul is reluctant to speak up!
Imagine this: One day, all of your plans are cancelled and let’s also pretend that you’re all caught up on your laundry and dishes and cleaning. And your internet is down. Where would your thoughts turn? What activity would be calling you by name? What would be knocking on the door of your heart?
A couple of years ago, I participated in an online painting program called “Find Your Joy.” The two essential nuggets from the program created by Louis Fletcher were these:
Find what brings you joy and do more of that.
Figure out what you don’t like, and do less of that.
This is great advice for a life well lived, regardless of how you express yourself!
In life as in art, the best way to figure out what brings you joy is to pay attention. Notice what you notice as you move through your day, engaged in your activities.
What happens in your body when you do a particular activity?
Do you feel yourself constricting or expanding?
Are you energized in the doing or does it drain you?
Trust yourself, your body, your energy level, to help you figure out if you’ve found your “one thing.” Pay attention to your body’s messages.
When my kids were in high school making new friends, I paid attention to how my kids behaved when they were around these people about whom I knew nothing. Did their behavior change? What about their attitude? As long as my kids seemed comfortable in their own skin, I could trust their choices in friends. Do you trust yourself?
Sometimes, it’s easier to figure out what you don’t like. No, no, definitely not that! Noticing your body’s negative responses will help you let go of anything that doesn’t light you up.
Perhaps you could follow your curiosity and try a new activity.Just remember that you are not (yet) an expert!
Avoid comparing yourself to others further along the path.
Avoid having expectations about outcomes.
Engage in the new activity with a beginner’s mind and allow yourself to enjoy playing!
Notice if you feel resentment when you hear about what other people are up to. Resentment can offer a valuable clue about what’s missing from your life. Resentment is a message from your soul.
I’ve given you some suggestions and invitations to help you find your “one thing.” But why should you pay attention to what lights you up?
Does thinking about what brings you joy make you feel selfish? Or does it feel more like self-care? Perhaps you’ve heard Howard Thurman’s quote:
“Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
People who are fully alive are passionate and inspiring to be around. When you’re engaged in self-care by following your passion, you are more pleasant at home, at work, and in your community. You don’t waste a lot of energy wallowing in self-pity or negativity because you are fully focused on doing what lights you up. And, you’ll give the rest of us permission to follow our own dreams!
I’m sure you’ve noticed that it’s more fun to hang out with people who are enchanted about new possibilities rather than those who sleepwalk through their lives, living on autopilot.
It is only from a place of being fully awake and paying attention that we can bring about a new vision of what is possible in our own lives. And in the world.
Using Mary Oliver’s well-known question: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Still need help figuring out what your “one thing” is? Schedule a time to chat about it by clicking here!