Deconstruction Step 3: Allow for Growth
Step 3 on the path of deconstruction is allowing for growth, and maybe some growing pains.
Of course you know that all living things grow.
It seems that institutional religions resist this basic concept when faced with challenges from outside their doors. They often cling even more tightly to their way of doing things because that’s the way it has always been done. However, a quick glance at church history refutes the notion of “that’s the way it’s always been done.” Beginning soon after Jesus’s death, in the period of the early church there were a multitude of ways of being Christian as the early followers struggled to make meaning of what happened. So much so that it more accurate to speak of “Christianities” rather than single way of “Christianity.”
Even as we recognize the need for growth, letting go of those protective hedges of what you knew to be true is destabilizing. Protective hedges may eventually feel claustrophobic and they can block off the light. This all can feel like you’re standing on shifting sand when you question beliefs that were presented to you as if they were carved in stone.
Grow comfortable with uncertainty.
If you’re the kind of person who loves travel and adventure, you must be at least somewhat comfortable with uncertainty. While I do love travel, I despise feeling out of control. As I learn to let go of the need to be certain and to have it all figured out, that part of me that thinks it’s in control regularly freaks out. Still!
Interestingly, letting go of certainty as to outcomes also pertains to the creative journey. When I am overly concerned about how a piece of art will turn out, I won’t allow myself to play or explore or take risks that might produce a piece that is even better than I could have ever imagined. When I have a death grip on my creative plan for a piece, making art becomes a drudgery and eventually I stop showing up to my art table.
Is it possible to approach your life with that same sense of play and exploration and openness to try something new? What would happen if you woke up each morning with eager anticipation, asking God “what excitement will we explore today?”
Grow in trust of that small voice deep inside you.
Part of my growth on this path has been coming to belief that I have a spark of the Divine deep inside of me. Jesus tells us that the realm of God is within you (Luke 17:21). This message is repeated in the Gospel of Mary Magdalene 4:5 (“For the Child of Humanity is within you! Follow it!”).
Since the time of the Enlightenment, we have relied more and more on only those things that are measurable and scientifically proven while we have been discouraged from relying on our intuition. When we are taught not to trust our intuition and instead blindly obey what other people tell us, our intuition muscle atrophies. And we stop growing. That is a huge loss because it is our intuition that knows what’s best for us. God speaks to us through our intuition. But many of us have a hard time hearing this voice over the external voices clamoring for our attention.
As you learn to trust the small voice within your soul, you will need to let go of those clamoring external voices. I explored this struggle through art after I was inspired to create a painting in response to these words by Hafiz, a 14th century Sufi poet:
“The small man
Builds cages for everyone
He
Knows.
While the sage,
Who has to duck his head
When the moon is low,
Keeps dropping keys all night long
For the
Beautiful
Rowdy
Prisoners.”
Here, I told the story of how the painting kept changing to reflect my struggle to let go of the idea that God is outside of us, somewhere up there, and explore the belief that God is within me. My conclusion is that we all have within ourselves, deep in our souls, the means to free ourselves from the cages society and religion lock us in.
Are you brave enough to unlock yourself?
Many of us are still waiting for permission from someone outside of us to start living our lives, to start being happy, to start painting or writing that novel. I invite you to live in harmony with your own wisdom and to stop giving your power away to others - the power to do what brings you joy. We all need to take responsibility for our own lives and for our own happiness. Buy yourself flowers instead of waiting for someone else to buy them for you!
Grow in trust that God will guide you though you may know nothing about it!
The good news is that God is with us every step of the way. Turning our backs on institutional religion does not mean turning our backs on God. I will close with one of my favorite prayers below.
“My God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and that I think I am following your will does not mean I am actually doing so.
But I believe the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all I am doing. I hope I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”
Miss the previous posts in this series on Deconstruction? Here they are:
Welcome to the Path of Deconstruction!
Find the last step to Deconstruction here:
Still got questions?
You can reach out for help! Schedule a time to talk with me one-with-one about the process of spiritual direction, if that sounds intriguing to you. I’ve given up handing out answers, but I can help you discern the answers that are truest for you.
We are creating a circle of women who are remodeling their relationship with God, with religion, and with themselves.
If you are interested in being in community, in creating a sacred space to explore, question, laugh and grow, you might want to join our Wise Souls Circle. We meet virtually once a month for a season to journal, share, and discuss questions that are on our hearts. Once we begin a new season, we close the circle to build trust. Our current season runs from January to May. We will open up the circle for a few meetings in the summer and then begin a new season in September.
If you are interested in joining us when we reopen the circle, you are most welcome to add your name and email address in the form below and I will make sure that you are the first to know when the circle reopens!