Deconstruction Step One: Awareness
Recently, I wrote to you about the path of deconstruction, which I defined as the process of slowly examining and releasing any religious beliefs and spiritual teachings that feel too constrictive or no longer align with lived experiences.
I’ve been on a path of deconstruction for almost a decade. It has been revolutionary and life changing and perhaps bigger than one email can adequately address. So, I wanted to dig a little deeper, give you a bit of my personal story, and invite you to let me know how this all lands for you.
The process of taking apart, examining, releasing and reconstructing how I relate to and understand the divine has been an important focus in my life, and it’s the reason for my desire to be of service to others who are struggling with the same issues. I hope that by sharing a bit more about my journey, it will normalize your own and assure you that you are not alone!
Of course, not everyone who reads this is on a journey of deconstruction, but there are many of us who are! Somewhere, I read that all the non-practicing Catholics together would make up the third largest denomination in the US. And then we could add people who have struggled with other religions, too.
I do feel called to offer a hand and shine a light for those who are grappling with the consequences of toxic theology and moving away from the community they once knew. If you are completely comfortable in your relationship with God and with your church and are not interested in hearing more about deconstruction, please feel free to skip these emails, or reply to this email to let me know that you are only here for the art talk and I’ll move you to the right segment! Or you can unsubscribe completely, no hard feelings. The Unsubscribe button is at the bottom of all of my emails and this time it's bright orange.
THE FIRST STEP IS AWARENESS
The first step on this path of deconstruction is one of awareness. Slowly you may become aware that something is not right, or that parts of the religious teaching or preaching don’t make sense anymore, or that some of it feels like BS!
Perhaps what you’ve been taught keeps conflicting with what your lived experiences are bringing up.
Or you’ve been turned off or turned away by those who hold themselves out as the authority of the church and the voice of God.
Or, you long for something more meaningful than just going through the motions.
Several of these pain points became obvious shortly after I began coursework for my masters degree in theology at John Carroll University. After receiving my certification to become a spiritual director, I realized how little I knew about my Catholic faith. My formal Catholic education ended in eight grade, and was not up to the task of dealing with adult-sized issues. So I went back to JCU to learn more.
What I learned was that women are considered third class citizens in the eyes of the Catholic church. In one of my first graduate courses, we were discussing clericalism (the inclination to maintain or increase the power of religious clergy who sometimes lord their authority over the non-ordained believers, called the laity). The student sitting next to me declared that he felt like a second class citizen. I realized that if he felt like a second class citizen as a male member of the laity, then I must be a third class citizen as a female member of the laity. This feeling was soon confirmed by this picture from the Baltimore Catechism (a guide for teaching Catholic children used until 2004). Notice how the women are at the end of the line!
In subsequent courses, I became all too familiar with church documents that attempt to support the prohibition of ordination of women. The ridiculous arguments were insulting to me and to all women.
The more I studied, the more disenchanted I became. Once you see something, it is hard to unsee it. Once I became aware of how poorly the Catholic Church treats women, it became very difficult to sit silently in the pews.
I came across a list of “toxic religious lies” that damages people’s lives and several of these popped out as particularly atrocious for women:
I am inherently bad.
I can't trust myself.
I am powerless.
Self-care is selfish.
Feelings are dangerous and not trustworthy.
I am not capable of thinking for myself.
Questioning is a spirit of rebellion.
You can view the whole list here on Jim Palmer’s Facebook post.
If any of these statements sound familiar to you, know that they are lies and that this is not God’s plan for us.
As you become aware of these feelings or situations that seem to conflict with what you’ve been taught, allow those to rise to your conscious mind. Do not dismiss them. They are valid expressions of your inner wisdom. I encourage you to honor these feelings and experiences by writing them down. As you write about them, shine the light of Godde* on them. Turn them over in prayer, bringing your concerns to Godde for clarification and understanding.
Miss the first blog in this series on Deconstruction? Find it here!
Find the next three steps to Deconstruction here:
Step Four: Reconstruction, Renewal, and Rebirth
Still got questions?
You can reach out for help! Schedule a time to talk with me one-with-one about the process of spiritual direction, if that sounds intriguing to you. I’ve given up handing out answers, but I can help you discern the answers that are truest for you.
We are creating a circle of women who are remodeling their relationship with God, with religion, and with themselves.
If you are interested in being in community, in creating a sacred space to explore, question, laugh and grow, you might want to join our Wise Souls Circle. We meet virtually once a month for a season to journal, share, and discuss questions that are on our hearts. Once we begin a new season, we close the circle to build trust. Our current season runs from January to May. We will open up the circle for a few meetings in the summer and then begin a new season in September.
If you are interested in joining us when we reopen the circle, you are most welcome to add your name and email address in the form below and I will make sure that you are the first to know when the circle reopens!