Exploring Crone Energy
I’m reviving the Crone Project
Good news! I’m recommitting to the important mission to redefine the word “Crone.” By painting older women in all their dignified, glorious beauty, and recording the stories of their strength, courage and wisdom, I will make the invisible, visible. You can read more about the inception of The Crone Project here.
I started this mission back in 2022 and created some lovely portraits of a few women, interviewed a few more, and then ran into an obstacle. One of the drawbacks of painting real people is that there is an expectation that my paintings look like them! So no surprise, my inner critic and perfectionist grabbed hold of the wheel and drove me far away from that project.
But I’m back!
I’m packing some new tools that I picked up in the online course that I wrote about last time. I titled that post: “It doesn’t have to be pretty, it just has to be true.” Those words are liberating and essential to letting go of the need to paint ‘pretty’ faces and create perfect art.
The online course taught by Connie Solera was appropriately called Unapologetic because we were invited to show up boldly and stop apologizing for our art. Here are several of the mantras that I picked up - they’ve been playing on repeat in my head:
Stop apologizing!
Last month, I handed my son my phone so he could scroll through the photos I took of my trip to Northern California. He came across some of the self-portraits that I sketched while traveling, and of course I apologized, automatically. My husband reminded me that the course was called “Unapologetic” so there was no need to apologize!
Is apologizing for every little thing an ingrained habit for you? Notice that.
Stop playing small!
Connie encouraged us to paint big! Quite a change from painting in the wee little journals I’ve been using. These two pieces that I’m sharing today are nearly life size - the paper is 22” x 30”. There is no hiding when you are painting that big!
Is there somewhere in your life you play small so as not to draw attention to yourself?
Take up space!
A while back, I was afraid to post something on Facebook that I thought someone in my extended family disagreed with. I’ve come a long way from that, but I still crave acceptance and approval, whether on social media or in real life. It’s part of being human, I guess. It becomes a problem when worrying about how people will react keeps you from speaking up and taking up space. Growing more confident in taking up space with my art naturally filters into the rest of my life, so you’ll find me speaking up and standing up for myself and what I know to be true.
Where do you need to take up more space and share what only you have to offer?
Stop hiding behind the ‘good girl’ mask!
Anyone else done with the restrictive messaging about what good girls should and should not do??!? It is time to stop ‘shoulding’ on ourselves! I’m giving myself permission to show up and express how I really feel, even if others may not like it.
What do you need to give yourself permission to do? Nobody else will write out that permission slip. Be the one you are waiting for!
It’s about the process, not the product.
Not all creatives will agree, but for me this final tool is the big one, the one that calmed me as I was finishing up these two pieces and quieted the voice of perfectionism. I finally realized deep in my bones that the finished piece is less important than the process of creating it.
The art is powerful because it is true and it captures the experience of many; not because it is perfectly executed.
It has an energetic resonance because you may see something that your soul longs for, not because it is pretty.
So here they are, my two ‘final’ pieces for the course. But I promise you there are more bubbling up!
My intention for this body of work was to explore Crone energy as bold, unapologetic, standing tall, being seen, and taking up space. These are the attributes I want to inhabit fully and without apology in this Crone stage of my life. I’ve been exploring the Crone archetype for a while, but it all became much more personal and relevant, and even urgent, when I turned my focus to creating self portraits of how I was truly feeling and began to understand what it means to me to be a Crone.
First Piece: TWO WISE SOULS
I wanted to capture the expression of confidence on the Crone’s face, wisdom represented by the owl, and groundedness evidenced by the tall redwood trees. If I can imagine it and paint it, then I can more easily embody it!
This piece is rich with symbols. The owl is symbolic of wisdom and protection, its wing casting a halo effect behind my head. I’m standing in a forest of redwood trees which are grounding, deeply rooted, tall and seemingly eternal. I painted my figure in a stance of confidence; I’m taking up space amid the redwoods and standing tall.
Here’s a preliminary sketch of the two souls. I collaged the trees from the brown kraft paper that covers studio table. I love all the painty goodness that winds up there. The necklace, sleeve detail, and crown are reminiscent of Celtic knotwork, albeit a very simplified version.
Second Piece: TEND THE CAULDRON
The second piece needed to be a portrayal of the dark side of Crone energy, I knew it would have something to do with anger. Anger is a sign that many women have been trained to ignore or suppress. I’m learning to sit with my anger and pay attention to the message anger has for me so I can transform it into fuel for necessary actions.
In preparation for this piece, I considered Kali, the Hindu goddess known for her destructive forces. I liked that she is about burning down any obstacles on one’s path to make room for what actually belongs on the path. But the color and symbols used to represent her didn’t resonate with me. Turning to the Celtic pantheon of gods and goddesses, I considered The Morrígan, but she is primarily a goddess of battle, and that didn’t feel like a good fit for me. My spiritual director and I explored the importance of being able to access the dark energy of the Crone without becoming overwhelmed by that energy. We explored the importance of creating the appropriate container to tend that energy, not allowing it to burn everything down, but managing the anger to be able to release and transform it.
In this art piece, the container is a cauldron that arrives with a cautionary message to 'Tend the Cauldron.' I love the word 'tend,' meaning to pay attention to a feeling or thing, or to intend to do a thing.
Here, an angry woman (me) is handing the viewer (also me) a cauldron, which contains anger represented by the orange smoky bits arising out of the cauldron. She is urging me not to run from this fiery anger, not to ignore it, nor let it burn everything down. She wants me to tend my anger so that it can be transformed into appropriate action.
I first sketched and painted the Crone’s head, and then cut it out to be able to play around with composition. The pieces unfolded bit by bit, element by element.
The cauldron, flames, smoky, and some of the distant mountains were collaged from gelli prints I had in my stash. I created the stormy skies by dropping black ink onto the wet page. The last element to appear was an ancient stone dolmen in the background, bottom left, just because I find them magical places!
Keep asking “What if…”
Last night, I was in a dark bathroom with my phone lit up and placed on the counter. I saw my face lit up from below, as it would be in my painting. What if I repainted her face? So as a final step (after taking a photo of the piece as it was in case the next step went horribly wrong), this morning, I repainted the face changing the light source to come from the burning cauldron below her face. And I’m glad I did! That final step served to integrate the cut out face more fully in the scene in the picture.
What attributes of Crone energy are calling you to inhabit more fully?
What will happen if you ignore that calling?
Cheering you on!
Mary